Thursday, May 9, 2013

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

"What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness." -Gary Thomas

In June, I will celebrate 6 years of marriage with Tyler. So much has happened in those 6 short years, and its just simple proof that marriage is powerful; be it for the negative or positive, the marriage "mirror" is mightily influential.

Tyler and I were talking about this "mirror" type analogy and how its so true, and it got me thinking deeper. When I get up in the morning and take a look in the mirror, I'm faced with some realities, I'm faced with some surprises and I have the chance to really look at myself for who I truly am. When I look in the mirror I see things I like, I see things I could definitely work on and I see things that I am simply never going to be able to change. I highlight the things I like, I minimize, or draw attention away from the things I don't like with a plan to work on fixing it. What if I did just this with my marriage each morning?

What if when I hold up that mirror that reveals who I really am in my marriage, I chose to highlight the good, minimize the bad and allowed the Lord to work on the things that I can't change?

I like my eyes. I was blessed with long eyelashes and so when I'm doing my makeup I highlight my eyes. I like the friendship I have with Tyler, we are good at teasing and playing and being best buddies, so I should spend my days reminding myself of our fun memories and continue to have a playful relationship with him. I should highlight that, find ways to bring my attention to Tyler's fun personality and focus on the good in our marriage. 

I wish I was in better physical shape. However, I can't realistically expect that to change overnight. I have to work on it. I have to alter some behaviors, I have to work hard. I have to make sure to take notice of even the smallest of improvements and build off those, so that I can keep getting on the elliptical day after day and keep plugging away. I'm short tempered, especially with Tyler, so after a long day I tend to snap at him easily.  I have to realize that tendency is there, not ignore it, and make a plan to succeed at being kind rather than snappy. I don't spend my entire day thinking about how evil I am, I know its there, I just have to take the time to work hard, to get in the Word, to pray, to love and to work toward a change in that behavior that so often impacts my marriage relationship. Obviously if I tried to change on my own merit, I might succeed for some time, but eventually I'd fall flat and be right back where I started. So I have to trust God to help me toward imperfect progress, day in and day out, I have to choose to seek Jesus and let him work in me.

"I wouldn’t be surprised if many marriages end in divorce largely because one or both partners are running from their own revealed weaknesses as much as they are running from something they can’t tolerate in their spouse." -Gary Thomas

I don't want to run from the things I don't like. I think if I spent more time highlighting the good I see and working hard to fix the bad I see, my marriage might have the chance to be so much more sacred and influential.

1 comment:

  1. I am almost finished with Dr Gary Chapman's Four Seasons of Marriage and it has some pretty wonderful tips for improving the season of your marriage. I can loan it to you if you would like. But I do love this post. I might have to reflect on the things that I want to show in my marriage, and the "flaws" that I can work on...