JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

"Just leave me ALONE"

I say that, a lot. Last night I said it to Tyler, 'cause I was upset about our stupid little argument we were having. Something about why the grass is dead and it was dumb {now}, and just kept going on and on and we were flinging hurtful words at one another and then I told him I just wanted to be left alone.

See, Tyler's a "quicker picker upper" argument type and I'm the "slow boil and stew" type. He wants to just forget it, I want to sit in it. And often times I'll find myself telling him to leave me alone. I don't think either "type" is the right one. People who want to just get over it, sometimes fail to truly understand how others feel and just want to move on because they don't like confrontation, they miss a chance to learn and change. While people who mull in it over and over, make mountains out of mole hills and are often not satisfied until they feel the other person has been equally hurt and end up adding to the pain they've caused because they simply cannot stop.

I'm the latter of course. I want to stew in the anger that I've convinced myself is righteous. Truth is, I don't want to be left alone, I really would like to fix it, but I don't know how, because I can't let go. I need the challenge that Tyler places on me when we've hurt one another or argue, to face our differences, right here and right now. {I do realize, the chance to calm down is good, but often I personally don't ask to be alone to calm down, I ask so I can go gather my artillery}

I say I want to be left alone because I want time to go sit and list off the reasons why I was right and he was wrong. I want time to think of hurtful things to say back. When I say I want to be left alone I'm just exposing my heart and how much I just need the Lord in every breath of life. I'm exposing my foolishness, I'm showing how my spirit is so easily angered. 

"Don't let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools." Ecclesiastes 7:9

Our world is full of anger. We get mad when someone cuts us off in traffic, when its taking a long time to wait in a line, when someone doesn't deliver on a promise, when someone doesn't meet up to our expectations, when we don't feel appreciated, when we've been offended, etc. We are all so easily angered and we justify it constantly. Why? Because anger abides in my heart. Why am I so easily angered? Because I'm choosing to let anger live there, free of charge and with the promise to be fueled by convincing, self-righteous lies.

I cannot be left alone. To be left alone, would give anger permanent residence in my heart. I've got to continue to invite the Holy Spirit to help me extend the massive amount of forgiveness to others that Jesus gave to me. Thank the Lord that Tyler and I are so different. Thank goodness we challenge one another to be changed. Thank goodness Tyler doesn't leave me to stew up more anger. 

This life is hard. Anger is exhausting. I'm foolish. And this world is convinced that being so easily angered is ok. 

James 1:19-20, "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be...slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires."

I want to be righteous, not angry. I know I'll have arguments again, I know I'll get upset, but its what I do with that, that really counts. Today, I'm choosing to look at anger for what God says it is; its not fruitful or righteous. I've got to send my eviction notice to the anger in my heart and ask the Holy Spirit to take its place. I can't be left alone, I need Jesus to do this life right.