Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I'm Afraid of Everything

I find myself driven by fear more often than I'd like to admit. Everywhere I look there is something new to be afraid of. Afraid of how I do and do not parent my children, afraid of the foods I buy and serve to my family, afraid of war, afraid of terror, afraid of bad weather, afraid of total economical failure and the list goes on and on. I could spend hours reading about what to avoid, when to avoid it and how to avoid it. In any given moment I can assure you that I'm engaged in some sort of something that will ultimately ruin my life, if not end it in some devastating way. 

I understand that there are things that aren't right and that we should work to correct it, but we live in a fallen world and my fear of this world just gets out of control sometimes. I went to bed last night stressing over all our student loans and how to handle it and feeling guilty and stupid and then it was the first thing on my mind this morning.  I read an article today about genetically modified foods and what to avoid and I ran out to my garden to check my corn because corn is on the list of foods to avoid and I forgot where my seeds came from so I wasn't sure if I was growing alien corn or not. I write blogs about the fear I have as a mother and whether or not I'm doing the right thing. It just seems so paralyzing sometimes and I just can't handle it.

I have got to start really figuring out where this fear is coming from and why. Isn't fear just a result of lack of trust? Obviously I can't put my trust in a parenting book or the government or food scientists, so I've got to find where is my heart in all this mess? It should be looking at Jesus.

Your body can be healthy because you eat 100% organic, non-gluten, dairy and soy free diets; but if your heart doesn't belong to Jesus, it simply does not matter.

You can be 100% debt-free, own your house, pay cash for everything, have money to pay for your great-great grand-children's college tuition, and 'living like no one else'; but if your heart doesn't belong to Jesus, it simply does not matter. 

We could all play nice and get along with other nations and skip around holding hands and sing "if you're happy and you know it" during political meetings; but if our hearts don't belong to Jesus, it simply does not matter. 

I could have well behaved children, who sleep 14 hours a day, make requests to eat broccoli, are fluent in 3 languages and good at chemistry;  but if their heart doesn't belong to Jesus, it simply does not matter. 

Turn the news on, read an article; there is something to be afraid of. What about our heart's downward spiral instead of the weather and our food's? We are more full of hate, strife and pain than ever before, but we continue to double check our organic apples origination rather than consider our need for a savior. A Savior from our impending death. A death, not as a result of a genetically modified world, but as a result of our lack to look inside instead of out.  

Serving healthy foods and working toward a debt-free life are both goals of mine that ring true to my heart. But I'm cautioned at how much time and effort I spend on these rather than effort to better my walk with Jesus. Is it not true that the closer I come to Jesus, the less fear I might have of this ugly world? I'm not going to turn a blind-eye to the real issues that are at hand,  but I just want to be careful of where my focus lies. 

"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people" 

2 Timothy 3:1-5

I don't want to be so concerned with myself, my money {or lack of it}, my accomplishments, etc that I become a self-righteous, ungrateful, mean, ungodly and full of fear woman. If this is in fact "the end times", I don't want to be so full of fear that I freeze up and shell up. I want Jesus to ooze out of me and I want to be so caught up in Him that I put my trust in Him rather than political peace treaties and organic foods. If I spend my time fearing life instead of loving others for Jesus, my life is wasted, and if my heart doesn't belong to Jesus {EVERYDAY}, it simply does not matter.


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