This afternoon as I was busy bustling about my home wiping this and scrubbing that Riley was in need of a nursing and a nap time and I got annoyed. I wasn't done. Can't he wait? Can't Tyler figure something out to distract him? I wished Riley was the kind I could just lay down and leave to fall asleep on his own. Even in my earnest attempt to save my family from anymore illness by cleaning the house, I let myself and my own desires come before my son's needs. Upon realization of this, I put my rags down and swooped up Riley. His sweet smile and look of relief when I picked him up said it all and my frustrations melted away.
I nursed him and we began rocking in his room, and he quickly fell asleep. I could have put him in his crib and been on my way, but I'm so glad I didn't. He smelled like peanut butter and jelly, had left over cookie in the corner of his mouth and I thought he looked like an angel. The blanket my grandmother crocheted for him, wrapped around his little body gave me a peace that all is well when I let myself slow down and be a little more simple and a lot less up tight. So what if I can't clean the house in one short hour anymore. So what if it takes me all day to vacuum. As the sun shone through the clouds and fell onto the floor in his room I couldn't help but consider my grandmother in heaven now fully aware of the real purposes in our short life on earth. She'd probably tell me to be more simple. To let the little stuff go. To not be so rigid. To take every chance I get to rock Riley with joy instead of grumbles because of inconvenience. I felt the Lord soothing my soul and ache for my missing grandma and teach me to just relax and love the moment I'm in. That's living your life simply. Loving the now and not always considering the next. Ahhh its freeing, but I've rarely done it or do it.
Simplicity is what I want more of in my life. I don't want to be weighed down by materials and things and to-do lists. I want to live my life and live it simply for the Lord, for his purposes and for my family. I truly want to simplify and clean up a lot in my life. I want to clean up what I feed my family on a daily basis. I want to simplify my schedule and to-do lists. I want to purge us of some on the material junk we hold on to. I want to simplify my goals and dreams in life. I just want to let go of more and just let the Lord take over so I can fully enjoy what I've been given today in this moment.
As this day comes to a close and my house has drawn the curtains and become hushed I'm reminded to let quiet and stillness come freely and come often for the voice of our God is "...a still small voice" But as I sat in my son's room this afternoon rocking him to sleep the voice of God was loud and clear. "I love you because I love you, not because of what you do...slow down Aubrey, take it in, listen to me and watch me speak to you through the sunshine, through the softness of this blanket your grandmother made, just be still and be joyful and full of peace" That moment was beautiful and something I'll never forget.
Simple life is not a result of a clean tidy house, a completed to-do list, achieved goals or reaching your potential, its a result of letting go so you can enjoy our Father in every moment of your day even when it doesn't go the way you thought it should have.