Rainbows & Butterflies

Its like 7:03 in the morning and I'm standing in my room bleary eyed, holding my newborn babe and watching my two older children holding hands, smiling and laughing and before I could finish my thought about how sweet they are, he pushes her to the ground to "wrestle".

Even though he was corrected 105 times for being too rough with his sister yesterday, he must have forgotten about the house rules and that "Groves don't hit each other" 'cause he's at it again. I tell him softly that he needs to not be so rough with her and to help her up. I guess "help her up" sounds a lot like "take her hands, and then yank up as hard as you possibly can" because that's exactly what he did. {Cue even more crying}

I looked at him, and asked if he would like someone to do that to him and if he's tired of mommy correcting him all the time {Lord knows I am!} and being in trouble? You know what he said?!?! Looked me straight in the eye and said "No"

Now, I've been known to have a short fuse and yell a time or two, but his no nonchalant, I don't care, attitude at 7:06 am was just too much for me! For his safety and survival, I told him to go in his room and sit on his bed. Tyler heard all the commotion in the room and asked me what happened. I told him of the push and shove and yank tirade and then I told him that I just am so irritated at our son, that truth be told "I could just shake him"{I'm getting really real with y'all for a moment, so bear with me and don't call DHS. please hear me loud and clear, I will never and have never physically hurt my children, but was saying this more to communicate just how at the end of my rope frustrated I was with Riley.} 

Tyler wasn't super understanding of my confessions of a mama drama queen confession. And so we in turn got into a little tiff about "how much he doesn't understand how hard being a mother is...." and I moved on to not handling any of this is a godly way and Tyler went off to work upset and I hated this day by 8 am...

After mulling this over in my head and letting the poison of grumpiness and anger filter through my family, I finally sat still long enough for that still small voice to be heard.

"I never said it was gunna be rainbows and butterflies"

But, if we're truly honest, isn't that what we think and feel like parenting should be? That if we do all the right things, that things should be smooth and easy for the most part.  But when my children interrupt my blog reading or spill milk on the floors I just mopped or ask for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich only to announce they actually wanted tuna, and when life as a mommy gets hard, my first thought is of myself and how hard I have it and how it shouldn't be this way. But no one ever said it shouldn't be this way. No one ever said its not hard, and I read a lot about the hardships of parenting, but we approach it with more apathy and passive humor, rather than seeing hardship as reassurance that if we're having resistance, we're probably doing it right, its just up to us to turn to the Lord to respond righteously to the chaos that being a parent brings.

Tyler and I were talking over the morning's shenanigans this afternoon and it came out that both of us had read our devotionals this morning. When this was realized, it made sense to me. You see Satan hates The Lord's children and there Tyler and I were, doing the "right" thing this morning and you'd think {and we do truly act like this} that everything should be hunky dory now and we can all just go about our day and skip and hold hands and eat marshmallows and smile. 

But this aint the prosperity gospel and Jesus did in fact promise hard ship to His followers. And Satan has a vengeance and he's lurking and waiting to steal, kill and destroy.

I don't know why I'm blindsided every time I'm attacked like this and "good golly miss molly, I haven't even had a cup of coffee yet and things are already falling apart". I start to feel bad for myself and poor me, and I lose the battle rather than see the attack for what it is and resist Satan and his schemes.

I've got to remember that this is holy work and sacred ground, this parenting business and I don't deserve hot coffee and peace and loving, getting along well children, and when I and my husband make a good point seek the Lord, we should make our selves ready for an even heavier battle, 'cause Satan hates a family that loves Jesus together. I shouldn't let my guard down as soon as I put that Bible down when I finish reading it. Parenting isn't rainbows and butterflies, its hard and sweaty and rough and I've gotta realize I'm in a battlefield, not at the end of a rainbow, swimming in a pot of gold...

If I had paid closer attention to the lesson in my devotional time of not being self-sufficient and not relying on my own common sense, I would have been able to draw on the Lord and found sufficiency in Him and relied on the reality of our falleness and responded with Riley's ridiculousness in a more level headed way and I wouldn't had thrown a fit about how hard this is.

So next time when parenting sucks, and nothing is as it should be and the kids are at it at 7 am, I should take a deep breath, ask Jesus for help and bring glory to God instead of acting like glory belongs to me...

Baby Mama

I remember when I was 13 I got my first gig as a babysitter and I was simply hooked. I guess from that day on, I found myself drawn to children. I was blessed, and I mean blessed, to really feel and be a part of two families in Grants Pass on a regular basis as their "babysitter".

Fast forward 14 years later, and here I am with 3 of my own kiddos and I have a "word of advice" {I'm not that wise, but this is serious} for young girls...

Babysit, girls. Babysit as often as you can. Talk to the mothers and fathers you "work" for and glean their wisdom. While you might think all you're doing is giving some mama a little break while you play Go-fish and cook macaroni and cheese, what you're really doing is changing that mother's life and your own and you don't even know it. 

I can't tell you all the things I've learned from the two mothers that I spent my growing years alongside, watching their children for afternoons and date nights. I saw how their children loved them. I saw how they weathered the storms of little ones and their fits and craziness. I saw them wave the white flag of a spotless home in exchange for attending that dance recital and being present 100% for their children. I saw them struggle and I saw them succeed. I saw them love their husband amongst the chaos...I saw a lot and its all become invaluable.

And now that I am on the other side of the fence, I see the help, that young girls who you can trust, who love your kids and who come and babysit for you, really are.

I have my sister in laws close by and they come and I can have a moment of sanity to clean the house with out having to turn around and clean up {again} where I just came from. Or a moment to drink an entire cup of hot {unmicrowaved} coffee and read more than the first 3 words in a Bible verse.

I'm not the only one that's being helped though. As a young woman, I saw the work it is to be a mama. So when you're babysitting next time, and that mother opens the door to your arrival and just exhales and smiles, know you're more than just another girl who can play slap jack 190 times and read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, just the right way...

No, sweet little mama in training, you're learning to be a mama one day, and the lessons you take away from these moments are treasures, and you'll appreciate your own "Baby Mama" who comes to help you all the more one day.

Jackson James Grove

He's here. He's perfect, he's in our arms and we couldn't be more full of love and excitement for this third arrow in our quiver.

Jackson James 

There's a story behind this name, as there should be for every name. But our little "Jack" or "JJ" {yes you can call him that} has a special story behind the acquiring of his name just like his big brother and sister do.

"Riley" was written by my 13 year old hand in a journal with N*Sync pictures and glitter glue on it as a "name I totally love and want to use for one of my children someday...." Fast forward 7 years and I meet this amazing guy who casually announced to me while playing ping pong with friends that "someday I'm gunna have a son named Riley" Much to his unknowing, I decided then and there I was gunna marry him. I did. So we had a Riley. 

Tyler and I couldn't decide on a girls name for our second child. I was like 10 weeks pregnant, and we didn't even know for sure what we were having, but in my gut I knew she was a she and I needed to get her named, I mean I only had 30 weeks left! Everything Tyler suggested I didn't like and everything I suggested was responded with "well I knew an Ashley in high school...." {no we never suggested Ashley in "real life"} So I just straight out asked the Lord what He thought we should name her and "Grace" came to my mind. I texted the idea to Tyler and he responded with "I was just texting that!!!!" So we had a Grace. 

Insert #3 baby. We went back and forth on a few names and we decided pretty early on in the game to go with "Lincoln" for a boy {again, my gut told me he was a he} So early in fact, this was even before our scare of loosing this baby at only 6 weeks, God is good and you can read about that here. Thennnnnn, my sister-in-law and her hubs got a puppy and named him "Lincoln". Riiight, so we can't name our child after a dog so scratch that. Back to the drawing board, and as I look back now, I'm so thankful we didn't end up with Lincoln, because Jackson is so much more fitting and perfect for this little man.

Because Jackson you see, means  

"God has been gracious; has shown favor"

I don't have the slightest clue what The Lord will do with this little life, but I do know that at just the size of a finger nail, God was gracious to us and let us keep our Jackson. I've watched one too many friends struggle and say goodbye to their babies too early. And not that I don't feel God is gracious to them, even in their dark, horrible pain, I just am more aware now, because of them, that this boy is a gift. A gracious, amazing gift. 

So when I looked up the meaning to Jackson, my jaw hit the floor. This was the one. Jackson, you're a gift baby boy. God has been gracious. "James" is Tyler's sweet, sweet grandad's name and is also the brother of John, which is Riley's middle name and so folks, we'd like to introduce to you...

JACKSON JAMES GROVE