Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Tick Tock

I'm sitting here in my little home watching the autumn breeze move in, as we begin to prepare for winter to come. I want to hold on to that summer sunshine and the crisp fall air, but time moves forward and I can't stop it. 

All I can hear right now is the tick tock of our clock, its nap time. Even the cat lays cuddled up asleep on that unfolded laundry pile. This time in my day never seems long enough... I don't usually move about and clean and busy myself during nap time, I sit, I doze, I blog and I read the Word. But most days if I don't "work", I feel the guilt creep in. One more day and I didn't get it all right....

Today as I ponder at the work of God's hand in creating this world, I'm in awe at just how beautiful He is. These two little ones, created inside and out, for me. That man, who stands tall, works hard and gives me that "Texan half-smile" on occasion, he too, made with me in mind. Who am I that I get to live among and with these gifts? Who am I that the Lord saw fit to draw me closer to Him, through the rigors of a marriage? Who am I that I'm called to His throne on a daily basis with tear streaked eyes and empty hands on exactly how to raise these babes. I mess up. I do well. But time just keeps on ticking away.

Though this world fallen, there is still so much beauty in God's creation left for us to enjoy, and most days I forget to look for it. There's beauty in a mother, on her knees, asking for the Lord to show her what sort of mama He'd have her be today. There's beauty in the dying and falling of leaves. There's beauty in a child asked 34 times not to do something, finally obeying. There's beauty in a messy home, but happy children. There's beauty in a marriage, readying itself for another evening of chaos and children, standing side by side in this season of raising little ones.

This clock keeps ticking and if I'm not careful I'll miss the beauty of this season He's given to me. My daily chaos of a mama of little ones is almost too much, and yet not enough. 

The days are so long, but the years so short. 

If I consume my mind with "getting all right" and being perfect, I miss what He really is trying to teach me. 

I need Him.

I need Him with every last tick of that clock. I need Him in the tough times, and in the bliss. I need Him to help me parent, to choose my battles, to stay patient, to know what to say and when. I need Him to help me be that wife, that Proverbs 31 woman. I need Him to enable me to bring Him glory.  

Oh this life, so fun and crazy and quick. I don't want to waste these tick tocks on wishing different of my days spent, I want to glory in Him who has given me such beauty, such richness and life and keep moving forward til the day I lay my crowns at His feet. 

Who am I among these stars and the heavens that You might love and bless me the way You do? Who am I that You never give up on me? Glory to Him alone for such a beautiful, ever changing, mess. 

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